Shalom, Alice Cullen!
by block mango reino
Summary: Yes, the Cullens are a bit old to have Bar Mitzvahs. Alice realizes in all of their years, the Cullens have not tried Judaism even once. R&R please, thanx.
1. Prologue

Alice POV

Why is this stupid road so crowded? With this traffic, I won't make it to the mall in Seattle until three! This isn't even a main road. There was a large crowd around a sign that read, **Rosh Hashana Services Today**. Hmmm…. I wonder what that is. Suddenly, a vision blocked all my other thoughts. I see… all 8 of us Cullens entering that building in a few weeks. Huh. I guess shopping can wait. What am I thinking? I can just go to Port Angeles!!! The news can wait. Eddie will probably figure it out once I get close enough. Actually, I want to be the bearer of…. random….news. Hmmm…. this event seems kind of formal. Dress shopping!!!!! Yay!!!!!!

I've changed my mind, yet again! I'm going home right now. I sped into the driveway next to me, the tires of my Porsche screeching. So what if I'm causing a scene. Shalom world, here I come!!!

**What do you think? I got this idea while I was sitting, bored out of my mind at Hebrew School. I thought, what if the Cullens went to temple, had Bar mitzvahs and stuff? R&R please.**


	2. Family Meeting

Edward POV

I could hear Alice's thoughts getting louder and louder, closer and closer. She's singing the American national anthem in a language I had never heard before. It sounded kind of Middle Eastern. Could this be a clue to her news? Maybe. How come she knows this language, and not me? I need some answers.

"Jasper? Can you come down here for a minute?" I called up the stairs.

_Yes, Edward? _he thought before he appeared at my side.

"Before you and Alice were with us, did you ever travel somewhere in the Middle East?" I asked.

"Yes, actually," he started. "We stayed at an underground secret society of vampires. It was underneath the city of-" he was cut off by Alice, who burst in through the front door, shouting so the whole house could hear, and probably from miles away, too. Good thing our closest neighbor is ten miles away.

"FAMILY MEETING! DINING ROOM! NOW!!!!!!" she screeched. We all gathered slowly in our unused eating room, where Alice seated herself in Carlisle's usual seat.

"Ok, so today I was caught in traffic on the way to the mall. All of you know that today is a Jewish holiday. I was driving by the synagogue, and I had a vision. Its was of me, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme, Edward, and Bella going to that very place in a few weeks for the next Jewish holiday," she said with much excitement.

"Huh. In all of my years, I never practiced Judaism," Carlisle mused.

"What about us? How come we aren't going?" Emmett demanded.

"Emmett, darling, we don't need a religion. We have better things to do," Rosalie said with a sly smile.

We all hopped into my Volvo and Esme's Sedan, and we went towards Congregation Sons of Israel.

"WAIT!" Jasper yelled. I think that's the first time I've ever heard Jasper yell. "We can't go today. It's a holiday. We can register on Thursday," he said more calmly. I wonder how he knew that. We went back into the house and continued our regular business.


	3. Contest!

Me: Hey there, Reino-Cullen's readers!

Alice: Cool nickname.

Me: Thanks. Anyway, I'm going through a big block of writers block.

Alice: Hey, that rhymes!

Me: Really?

Emmett: Alice is right, it does.

Me: Anyway, I'm holding a contest.

Emmett & Alice: I LOVE CONTESTS!

Me: Anyone can write the next chapter in ALL FOUR of my fanfictions!

Alice: You know you want to! Three out of four of them are mostly about me!

Me: Just email me the documents at 

Edward: Make sure it is in Microsoft Word 2003, please.

Me: Love you Eddie!

Edward: I love Bella.

Me: sigh, you'll learn.

Emmett: Whatevs!

All: Happy Writing!

Me: I will choose the best for each story. Have fun!


	4. Contest is Over, Sorry

um……… hola. bonjour. aloha. howdy. so I said there was a contest

but, within the last few hours, my life has been an empty hole without being able to write meaningless fanfics. (no life, right?)

so, I will recall the contest. if you have already started them, finish, email them to me, but then don't do it anymore.

I am sorry. it is kind of inconvenient for my beloved fans, but I am extremely selfish, and bored right now.

sorry.

ur biffle, reino-cullen.


	5. Jacob's Jewish?

**I am completely, totally, extremely sorry for not updating in such a long time. I know you don't want to hear my excuses, so I'm not going to tell you. Here ya go!**

Alice POV

Jacob strolled into the house after a hunt with Nessie.

"JACOB YOU MISSED OUR FAMILY MEETING!" I screeched.

"Why aren't you yelling at Nessie?" he yelled back at me.

"Because Nessie doesn't reek like you do, mutt," Rosalie said.

"I'm ignoring that. What was the family meeting about?" he asked.

"We're going to be Jewish!" Bella told me.

Edward laughed, but I didn't know why. He whispered very quietly in Bella's ear so nobody could hear but her. She laughed too.

"Um, guys," he said.

"Yes, Jacob?" Esme asked with curiosity.

"I'm kind of already Jewish," he responded calmly.

"Really?" Esme wondered.

"Really?" I speculated.

"Really?" Jasper questioned.

"Really?" everybody else asked.

"Um, yeah. Think about it. My sisters names are Rachel and Rebecca. My mom's name was Sarah. My grandfather's name was Ephraim, for crying out loud. I had a bar mitzvah a few years ago, and my dad and I attended services every so often. It kind of went downhill when I became a werewolf," he told us. We all stared at him in awe,

"Interesting," Carlisle pondered.

"I'm surprised you leeches didn't figure it out sooner," he announced. We all scowled at him, especially Rose.

Bella spoke, "Jacob, we're thinking of having bar and bat mitzvahs."

"What's a barf matzah?" Emmett asked, as if he didn't know. This probably, was exactly the case.

"Its where they talk backwards and everybody gets circumcised," Rosalie said. ** (I stole the last two lines from Thirteen the Musical. Don't hate me) **Jacob rolled his eyes.

"Shows what you know," Jacob muttered.

"I heard that!" Rosalie shouted at him.

"You were supposed to," Jacob told her.

"I still don't know what a barf matzah is!" Emmett exclaimed.

"It's a ceremony of the Jewish religion where a twelve or thirteen year old girl or boy becomes an adult," my husband said. How he knew that, I have no idea. I'll ask him later.

"ANYWAY, you have to know Hebrew to have a bar mitzvah,"

"That should be easy," Edward said. He can be SO stuck up sometimes. He glared in my direction. Mind reader, right. We all dispersed into our separate rooms.

"So, Jazzy, how did you know about all of that stuff?" I asked him innocently.

"Well…"

**Ooh cliffy! The more reviews I get the faster I write! GO GO GO! **

**R-C**


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